spumpkinfan (spumpkinfan) wrote in familysurvivors,

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something new

Its been a rough week you all-I had 3 major exams, but those are finally over so now...only 3 more weeks of class when this week is over-which it basically is so YAY. :) I thought that maybe...its hard to just talk about suicides...and let that be it. We're supposed to be there for each other-we're a community-a group of people who are out there to support one another. So maybe it would help if we talked about anything at all thats going on in our lifes then maybe those of you who have not felt like sharing-which i completely understand-will maybe feel like what has happened in your day or something that has made you upset-or something good that is happening with you. I know I was not the one that made this community, but I hope you dont mind-but I dont think you mind, and I would hope that you'd want for this to be successful for what ever way it can. So maybe I'll start by sharing more about myself besdies the devestations i've gone through. Well, I'm 20 years old-21 in August (whoohoo!!! ) and i'm a junior in college-I live in a town its called Farmville out in Virginia. Ohhh, its...very small, but the campus is wonderful and great for what I'm here to do-and that is to get my education. This is actually my first semester out here...I guess that was part of my problem in letting go. I just couldnt seem to let go when my dad was sick. Not to mention, I was caring for my grandmother till she died-watching someone you love with all your might letting go from life little by little each day-is definitely the hardest thing that i have ever gone through. Anyways I'm at college studying Communication but more towards the journalism area. I actually hope to write for maybe like New York Times because its internationally known as one of the best papers-and really pieces of literature throughout America. Lets see....what else is there to know about me. After I get my BA degree in Communication I want to go to New York really and find you know one of those little jobs that you always start off with and get my masters in english and literature so that one day I can become editor of a great paper or mag. I have a lot of aspirations as you all can see-and i think its really what makes someone who they are. Then there is another thing which i'm not sure if it is like...okay to share, i guess. But, I'm bisexual. Atleast as of the last six months I have been. And I guess i'm going to say more about this because I dont feel like I should have to hide this part of me. When I was a teen i didnt think anything of it...I just thought well i'm looking at another girl-cos you know girls do that-cos maybe they're like oh i wish i looked more like that, or whatever you had to say about it. Then i was in my last semester at home...back in September and I met someone. I met this girl who I had known since I was a kid-since we were 8. And we knew each other way back then, but she moved and we hadnt talked in like those 12 years....and we find each other again. Long and behold she was bisexual, and she found me attractive....and things progressed from there. I think about it sometimes...i wonder if this ...the good catholic girl is supposed to be doing right now. I think about how wonderful it would be to have a nice...normal ...healthy relationship with someone who i could take to my sisters wedding. And someone i could have a child with...and someone i could marry...and live my life with. But then again i never knew if i ever wanted any of that. I was always this person with all of these ambitions and my career is something that i'm going after with all my might and i'm going to go after it and do everything i can do to be the best in my field and do all the things i said-no matter who is in my life. Its just what comes first. Sooo yeah...sorry to all open up and share everything thats been on my mind lately...but i just thought i would. Thanks for listening. I hope you all in end up sharing-I would like to learn more about you all. Also, feel free to read my regular journal-and if you have aol or aim you can IM me if you want to talk or whatever-the name is the same.
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