spumpkinfan (spumpkinfan) wrote in familysurvivors,

I'm 20 years old, and I totally symathize with this community and what its about. I suppose everything that I've been dealing with with suicide has been happening through my whole life. I suppose it started when i was in the 7th grade and my grandmother decided that she didnt want to be a problem to anyone and so she was taken off all her medication that was basically keeping her alive and within 24 hours she was dead. Then it was in 8th grade and my best friends little brother killed himself. I've been helping her cope with that loss ever since. It was at this time in my life where my high school became known as "suicide high". From the year that it opened until the year that i graduated...there were countless number of suicides from kids to even the teachers. The kids were my age....some a bit older, some going to graduate...all of them had lots of friends, were involved in activities, made the grades, and had their futures ahead of them. One of the girls killed herself because she didnt get into her #1 college. There was a guy i knew who...he and a few of his friends had gone in on a suicide pact but as it all ends up...he was the only one to follow through. There were many others, including the track coach. It was one of the saddest times in my life...for these were poeple i knew, grew up with and even had friendships with. They were people i thought would go far in life and achieve these great dreams they had. But they never let themselves have that opportunity. So as a kid growing up in all of this...when things got rough...you look to suicide as an option. When I was a freshman in high school...things took a turn for the worse and my dad who i love with my whole heart cancer had come back. And you have to realize that my family...everyone who has died on his side of the family had died of some sort of cancer. So hearing the news just about devestated me. The anger i had...i had for the world wore me down, and I just was a very unhappy person. I went to suicide for the option. I'm lucky today though because no matter how sad things get in my life...i know that the grass will get greener again, and things will change as they always do. I just hope that this community develops into something big and that people become real friends and reach out to one another and try to help each other through the hard times they face. To the person who developed this community, I feel for what you have gone through, and I know you do not need any sort of condolence. And I know something as terrible as what you had to go through is not something that you get over, in fact that will never be the case. But I hope that God continues to help you understand why things happened the way they did.
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