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Survivors of Family/Friends Suicides

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(2 hurts | What pains you?)

Will this help? [23 Apr 2002|07:52am]

This site has been helpful for those who have considered -- and I know places that even use it for training.

But they have a section for survivors/people grieving. Hopefully this might be of some use or comfort.


(11 hurts | What pains you?)

hey [17 Apr 2002|06:30pm]

[ mood | blank ]

hey i just rejoined... prob don't remember me, i was aleeda, so hey again ;)

(What pains you?)

SEE YA"S I"M OUT! [09 Apr 2002|01:44pm]

We'll I put this community up for people who wanted to remember loved ones that they lost to suicide. I feel that due to the conflicts and the unnecessary comments I am now closing it down. It will always be in memory of my Dad though!

(4 hurts | What pains you?)

GOODBYE! [05 Apr 2002|04:00pm]


Well Spumpkinfan left the community cause she couldn't handle the comments I made to her. This community is a place for:

I created this community for people who have been affected directly by suicide. Whether you have tried to take your own life, or you have lost a friend or family member to suicide this is a place to come and talk about it and remember them for the wonderful and loving people that they were. This community can be used for Anniversaries, your memories, your stories, or your feelings.

She made a comment in that this is a place to share your feelings. Yeah I'm quite aware of that but she was starting to give her opinions on suicide and took it to far with saying that people who commit suicide don't end up in a place where its better. Well sorry for the fact that I got upset and pissed off. My Dad killed himself and I take it personally when I'm told he isn't in a better place.

So for all of you out there that want to leave the community I don't hold it against you. I just wanted to stick for the fact that people who commit suicide aren't bad people and that they shouldn't be portrayed that way. I guess time will tell who the people are who really joined this community to actually remember their loved ones and eliminate the ones who joined it because of the fact that they wanted to make sure they got to preach to everyone their viewpoints.

(2 hurts | What pains you?)

HERE"S THE DEAL! [05 Apr 2002|02:22pm]

[ mood | irritated ]

I guess I should have set up some guide lines before I opened this community. So I have now. Read them, understand them, follow them and if you can't then this is not the community for you.....
1) There is to be not "put downs" in this community. I will not tolerate belligerent comments about people. This is a place to remember people not to hurt others.

2) No Religious points of view. Everyone in the world has a different point of view when it comes to religion. It may be based on the same religion as yours but there are always differences.

3) I can handle debates but no arguing. That's petty and will not be tolerated.

4) This community is based on suicide. Its not for or against it. Its not condoning it. Its a place to remember people whom you have lost to suicide. If you feel that you need to preach about suicide please find another community to do it in because this community isn't about the rights and wrongs its about the feelings you have and the memories you have of the ones you've lost.

~If for some reason you can't follow these guideline I ask you to please leave the to community or not join. I will not have a community that is a place of breeding ignorance and stupidity. I want everyone to be open but sometimes you need to leave your opinions out of it and just read.~

(6 hurts | What pains you?)

in response to wtichy.... [05 Apr 2002|09:21am]

[ mood | thoughtful ]

Well. Not to arue with you constantly over this topic...but, it just seems like you think suicide is a way out-with illness. I feel badly for this girl you spoke about for she suffered with something that nobody should have to deal with. But...you know, my grandmother suffered from a terminally ill disease-cancer. In fact its a cancer that spreads twice as rapid as all others. And in return, there was no hope for her. With my own eyes I watched this woman slowly drift away from reality...and I watched her die. There were nights where...i would sit with my back against my door...and turn my music down just to listen to her breathe...or chances are...to see if she was breathing. and...from about the week befor she died until the day she did...i would drive home from school and just wish...hope...that God would take her..because IT HURT ME too much to see her in such pain. And no matter how much love i had for her...if she would have taken her life in some way, there is no amount of time that would ease that pain...nor do i think i could ever forgive her for that. I had friends who took their lives...and, that hurt...the anniversaries hurt...but it really hurt just not having them there any more. And...the sad thing is i dont think they went somewhere to where things were better. To take your life is a sin beyond anything ...and i dont think that my friends are in any better if a place then they were here. And, the pain that they went through when they were with us...is nothing compared to the pain we felt after they took their lives. thats all i have to say aboot that.

(4 hurts | What pains you?)

SORRY I'M A SLACKER! [04 Apr 2002|01:37pm]

Yeah I know I haven't been writing in my own community. Pretty sad I know. Well I must say the I like Spumpkinfan's idea that this not be completely about suicide and death. I mean can we have more depressing topics? So I figured that I'd introduce myself a little to let you know about me and who I am without the whole clingy idea of death being attached to me.

Okay, my name is Tracy and I'm 25 years old. I live in Upstate NY, which I love. I think its the best place to live. I love the seasons, well the snow gets a little much but this year wasn't so bad. I went to college on and off and have not yet found my niche in life on what I want to do. So as of now I work as a secretary at a computer company. Its lame but hey for now its ok til I can figure out what I want to do.

I look like I'm 17-18 years old. I'm only 4'11 and I still have a baby face. That's fine with me cause I feel like I'm 17-18. I've never felt my age and I probably never will. My friend Lisa is the same way. I live with my mom and brother, my sister is married and just bought our house, my mom sold it to her, and we built a new one. Its cool cause I can always go back if I miss it. I have a GREAT, TERRIFIC, WONDERFUL, UNDERSTANDING, ( I could keep going with this description), HOT, CUTE, Boyfriend named Tim. He is my saving grace and I love him more than I thought it was possible to love. We've been together for a year and seven months. We're gonna move in with each other in the fall. He is 6 years younger than me, yes I said younger. I've dealt with a lot of shit over this but we love each other and that's all that matters.

I have a younger brother and an older sister and brother in law. We have two dogs and my life is basically Tim, shopping, eating ( thought I try not to) and hanging out with people that I love. I love to scrapbook and read and watch TV. I do drink occasional and smoke. But not a lot.

Other than that I can't think of anything else to tell ya. So if you have any questions feel free to ask me.

*** I wanted to also write a little thing about the girl, well she was 20, who committed suicide yesterday at Carousel Center in Syracuse,NY. So much crap is being said about it yet no one is talking about the fact that she was suffering from bipolar disease and schizophrenia. She had three voices in her head, 2 that protected her and one telling her to kill herself. Unfortunately the third voice got stronger and eventually led her to Carousel (Its a mall). Where she plummeted two stores into the atrium and was killed instantly. I hope she can find rest and peace wherever she ends up. And for all those people out there criticizing her and saying that it was because of the weather and a bunch of other shit they need to know that she was sick and most likely hurting. May she rest in peace and find the one voice inside her. :( ***

(4 hurts | What pains you?)

something new [03 Apr 2002|03:16pm]

[ mood | geeky ]

Its been a rough week you all-I had 3 major exams, but those are finally over so now...only 3 more weeks of class when this week is over-which it basically is so YAY. :) I thought that maybe...its hard to just talk about suicides...and let that be it. We're supposed to be there for each other-we're a community-a group of people who are out there to support one another. So maybe it would help if we talked about anything at all thats going on in our lifes then maybe those of you who have not felt like sharing-which i completely understand-will maybe feel like what has happened in your day or something that has made you upset-or something good that is happening with you. I know I was not the one that made this community, but I hope you dont mind-but I dont think you mind, and I would hope that you'd want for this to be successful for what ever way it can. So maybe I'll start by sharing more about myself besdies the devestations i've gone through. Well, I'm 20 years old-21 in August (whoohoo!!! ) and i'm a junior in college-I live in a town its called Farmville out in Virginia. Ohhh, its...very small, but the campus is wonderful and great for what I'm here to do-and that is to get my education. This is actually my first semester out here...I guess that was part of my problem in letting go. I just couldnt seem to let go when my dad was sick. Not to mention, I was caring for my grandmother till she died-watching someone you love with all your might letting go from life little by little each day-is definitely the hardest thing that i have ever gone through. Anyways I'm at college studying Communication but more towards the journalism area. I actually hope to write for maybe like New York Times because its internationally known as one of the best papers-and really pieces of literature throughout America. Lets see....what else is there to know about me. After I get my BA degree in Communication I want to go to New York really and find you know one of those little jobs that you always start off with and get my masters in english and literature so that one day I can become editor of a great paper or mag. I have a lot of aspirations as you all can see-and i think its really what makes someone who they are. Then there is another thing which i'm not sure if it is like...okay to share, i guess. But, I'm bisexual. Atleast as of the last six months I have been. And I guess i'm going to say more about this because I dont feel like I should have to hide this part of me. When I was a teen i didnt think anything of it...I just thought well i'm looking at another girl-cos you know girls do that-cos maybe they're like oh i wish i looked more like that, or whatever you had to say about it. Then i was in my last semester at home...back in September and I met someone. I met this girl who I had known since I was a kid-since we were 8. And we knew each other way back then, but she moved and we hadnt talked in like those 12 years....and we find each other again. Long and behold she was bisexual, and she found me attractive....and things progressed from there. I think about it sometimes...i wonder if this ...the good catholic girl is supposed to be doing right now. I think about how wonderful it would be to have a nice...normal ...healthy relationship with someone who i could take to my sisters wedding. And someone i could have a child with...and someone i could marry...and live my life with. But then again i never knew if i ever wanted any of that. I was always this person with all of these ambitions and my career is something that i'm going after with all my might and i'm going to go after it and do everything i can do to be the best in my field and do all the things i said-no matter who is in my life. Its just what comes first. Sooo yeah...sorry to all open up and share everything thats been on my mind lately...but i just thought i would. Thanks for listening. I hope you all in end up sharing-I would like to learn more about you all. Also, feel free to read my regular journal-and if you have aol or aim you can IM me if you want to talk or whatever-the name is the same.

(4 hurts | What pains you?)


[ mood | touched ]

Sorry I haven't written lately. It's pretty sad when you're not posting in the community that you created. So once again I apologize. It's strange though cause there are a few people who joined but never posted yet. I hope eventually you all feel comfortable enough to share your stories with us.

Here's one of my problems. Since my dad committed suicide its kinda set me up for a problem. I am TERRIFIED of losing people. When I was little I never let my mom go anywhere without me. If she wasn't home from work on time I would pace the house until she pulled into the driveway. I was afraid she'd die or never come home.

My brother is two years younger than me. When he was growing up I was so afraid that God was gonna take him away from me because he was a boy and since my dad died then maybe my brother would. I would hound him wherever he was going, who was with, when he was coming home. I wouldn't sleep until he came home and I would be plagued with anxiety. My heart would pound and I'd feel nauseous and I'd shake. When he went away to school, college, I freaked. I hated not knowing if he was okay or not. I've gotten better with him now that he's 23 years old.

My sister would get upset, she's six years older than me. She'd leave or she's cry and I would think she would commit suicide. That she was so sad like my dad that she didn't want to be here anymore. Or that she would get in a car accident while she went for a drive to calm down.

Now that we're older I'm better but now I have turned and I freak about my boyfriend. I'm afraid he'll cheat on me or leave me. That he'll get hurt or die. When he goes out on the weekends I live in a world of fear until I can talk to him the next day to make sure he's okay and that he still loves me. I have sever anxiety and I say prayers at night that will make it okay. I also say my rosary and I can't go to sleep if I don't say it. If I go to bed without saying my prayers I feel that I run the risk that something bad will happen. You see my boyfriend is the best thing that ever happened to me. He understands me and he doesn't get mad at me for my sometimes irrational behavior. He loves me for me and he says that he won't to marry me.

I do suffer from depression and general anxiety disorder. This stems from my fathers death. I have gone to see someone but to be honest with you I thought she was very judgmental and that's not what I want when I talk to someone about things that hurt me or bother me or even things that make me happy. She kinda criticized me for me and my boyfriends age difference which really PISSED me off. I do take medication which helps me. I went off of it for a while and it was awful I felt completely out of control emotionally. So I went back on it.

I'm wondering does anyone else suffer from stuff like this as part of the aftermath of the deaths that you have had in your lives? I mean for me its been 15 years and sometimes it doesn't feel like it gets any easier and then some days I feel really good and it doesn't really hurt. Unfortunately I still have to deal with the depression and anxiety but I guess most of the time I have it under control.

(What pains you?)

[31 Mar 2002|11:52pm]

How come nobody posts in here? I was gone for the weekend-and still no new posts. Thanks for welcoming me to the group-I appreciated the thoughtful post. I guess I'll continue with bits and pieces of my life. I've ...lost a lot of people in my life...many to suicide, and some to not. And, I think its helped me value the people that are in my life...but has also hurt me a bit, and has made me be not so trustworthy to people i first meet. I'm hard to get to know, and instead of just trusting someone new...i let them show me who they are...and earn the trust. Anyways...I told you all about my dad in my last entry. And I suppose, my dad being diagnosed with cancer was one of the hardest things that i ever went through. He had had cancer-the same type befor-and it was mouth cancer-and it was caused my chewing tobacco. Well, he learned his lesson-got better and quit. And, it wasnt for awhile...but he started the tobacco up again...and it came back. So we all had to relive all the trauma again. The sad thing is when you have cancer and it comes back...you cant always use the same treatments as you did befor. And so its harder to beat, and it spreads. But since then he's retired from his job, and my family is moving on with their life because we've realized that because something happens to one of us we can just stop our lives. My sister is now about to get married, and i finally moved away from home and am a junior in college, and my parents are selling there house and moving for their retirement. Somehow I even fit September 11 in with my life, and how things are changing and moving. I think that day has taught us all that we need to cherish our lives, and spend every day doing the things that we love, and all. In fact, its almost because of the attacks that...i took a new move with my life....and got over my old love, and realized that....i didnt need him in my life to make myself happy. And now him and I are just really good friends-once again, and just go to each other for advice. Its wonderful to have somebody like that. And...upon moving on with my life to new things somebody new appeared in my life. Somebody from my past...a friend from...the 4th grade...and here we are sophomores in college then. And, its just amazing that we were brought back into each others lives. Its like...heaven sent. And now we've been together for 6 months...going strong...and loving each other for every moment we have together. Mind you this is long distance. Its just...i find it amazing that ...when you once thought of your life as being completely over...it turns around...and things so amazing begin to happen. I dont know if some of this was...appropriate to share or not...for whomever may or may not be listening...but i was just in the mood...to let some things from my mind out.

(1 hurt | What pains you?)

[28 Mar 2002|10:17pm]

I'm 20 years old, and I totally symathize with this community and what its about. I suppose everything that I've been dealing with with suicide has been happening through my whole life. I suppose it started when i was in the 7th grade and my grandmother decided that she didnt want to be a problem to anyone and so she was taken off all her medication that was basically keeping her alive and within 24 hours she was dead. Then it was in 8th grade and my best friends little brother killed himself. I've been helping her cope with that loss ever since. It was at this time in my life where my high school became known as "suicide high". From the year that it opened until the year that i graduated...there were countless number of suicides from kids to even the teachers. The kids were my age....some a bit older, some going to graduate...all of them had lots of friends, were involved in activities, made the grades, and had their futures ahead of them. One of the girls killed herself because she didnt get into her #1 college. There was a guy i knew who...he and a few of his friends had gone in on a suicide pact but as it all ends up...he was the only one to follow through. There were many others, including the track coach. It was one of the saddest times in my life...for these were poeple i knew, grew up with and even had friendships with. They were people i thought would go far in life and achieve these great dreams they had. But they never let themselves have that opportunity. So as a kid growing up in all of this...when things got rough...you look to suicide as an option. When I was a freshman in high school...things took a turn for the worse and my dad who i love with my whole heart cancer had come back. And you have to realize that my family...everyone who has died on his side of the family had died of some sort of cancer. So hearing the news just about devestated me. The anger i had...i had for the world wore me down, and I just was a very unhappy person. I went to suicide for the option. I'm lucky today though because no matter how sad things get in my life...i know that the grass will get greener again, and things will change as they always do. I just hope that this community develops into something big and that people become real friends and reach out to one another and try to help each other through the hard times they face. To the person who developed this community, I feel for what you have gone through, and I know you do not need any sort of condolence. And I know something as terrible as what you had to go through is not something that you get over, in fact that will never be the case. But I hope that God continues to help you understand why things happened the way they did.

(3 hurts | What pains you?)

I HAVE A QUESTION [26 Mar 2002|10:51am]

Does anyone else notice that everything can be going great in your life and then you'll get upset about something, like a fight with a friend or getting a bad grade but it ends up that you start being upset over the loss of someone. Like I can fight with my boyfriend but I'll end up crying about my dad instead. I might initially start out by cry about my fight but somehow in manifests itself into missing my dad and being sad about him.

(What pains you?)

I WANT TO START OFF BY... [25 Mar 2002|02:13pm]

[ mood | gloomy ]

On Saturday March 23rd it was the 15 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I cried a little but not too much. I think sometimes its easier and sometimes is so hard to take that I just cry for what seems like forever. My name is Tracy and I'm 25 years old. I was 10 years old when my father took his own life. Not only did he die but we (my sister and brother and I) witnessed seeing him lying there, listless and we also watched everything from across the street and my neighbors house. I love my Dad and I don't blame him for anything. He was very sick and he probably would have died with a year or so anyways. I remember him with dignity. He was a wonderful father I just wish that I had more time with him instead of the 10 short years.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*RIP 8/19/46-3/23/87. Love you Daddy and I miss you. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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